LAGEROLOGY…

This cult is commonly known as 'Lagerology' and is hugely popular amongst football hooligans, yobbos and general delinquents all over the world.

A disciple.

It began with a riot in the West Bohemian city of Pizen (Pilsner) in 1842: the town’s disgruntled pissheads, having been served up spoiled and warm beer once to often, smashed up the beer barrels in the town square and demanded the town’s leaders do something about it.

IWell here we jolly well go.

A terrified Mayor put the town's best minds to work, and a new more reliable brewing method was invented - bottle fermentation. The new technique spread quickly and to this day many Europeans order a 'pils' or a 'pilsner' when they want to 'get pissed right up' on lager. Due to its moderate strength, they can drink it for days at a time, frequently urinating them-selves in the process.

'What's that awful smell?

Lagerologists claim there is a deeply spiritual path when consuming the amber liquid: reminiscent of Cave man bonding sessions whilst off your trolley on magic mushrooms and various herbs from the garden.

The Friday night plan...

3 pints induces mild laughter and juvenile behavior.
6 pints, and sick jokes and references to the female genitalia begin.
9 pints, obscenities and howls of moronic laughter, usually directed at a table of pretty girls nearby.
12 pints and the singing begins. And the table of Laddettes now join the fun.

The Lagerologists enjoy their evening.

15 pints. The magic number. By now the drunken crew are starting to share double vision, slurring and staggering movements, and a thought known by all is that talking to God on the big white telephone will soon occur.
18 pints & Talking to God on the big white telephone commences.

A deeply spiritual moment, Blrrruuuugg.

After the release of the amber liquid and a quick prayer in the form of 'Thank God for that' it's a trip to their second spiritual home, the kebab shop.<br>
After sustenance the Lagerologists head back their place of worship and...
3 pints... etc etc




Lagerology is also very popular in the U.S.A, where the honey coloured gulping material is so chilled, weak and resembling Bat’s piss that even vaster quantities are required.




8 bottles induces mild laughter and juvenile behavior. Etc etc.
So confident are the Largo's, as there known, they have produced a bible looking book and DVD.
Entitled: LAGER, The way to blastedness.




Copies can be purchased on-line or at prison libraries all over the world.
Many see the cult of Lagerology as a dark and sinister entity, mainly the sad twats who wouldn't know a good night out if it pissed in their boots, as does sometimes happen.
But the Largologist's claim that participating in the amber consumption to extremes often makes members of the opposite sex look even more attractive.

Christ, I must have had a few last night'.

Yes good people, my new book: '1001 ways to pull a pig, grab a granny, or pork a monster and still wake up with your dignity intact' will be on the shelves shortly: directly after the DNA test and an appearance on the Jeremy Kyle show...

Have a great summer..

Mr B..x