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 There here, there there, there F*****g everywhere & Yes Folks it's...C.H.A.V.I.S.M
Childlike Habitual Ambassadors, Verbally Impaired Sorted Muvvers. (Please note, this story is politically Incorrect...so fuck off.) Yo yo, Creatures of the alleys and urine stained doorways, Mr B here: Bling blingin me way to the Stella an Spliff shop in me mam’s half-inched Vauxhall Chavalier, wiv the doris in the back, tax payers dosh in me baggies an some wicked spliff that blows yat tits off, me bird will be a white widow in no time...
That’s if the lump in her belly is mine, she’s 'ad more pricks than a dart board a got a minge on her like a pair of refere’s shorts.
Wees just been given it large style to the old filth for accusing me Kappa slappa of 'arf inching a bag of oven chips and a case of Whitelightnen dan the corner shop, 'ol Rammjam flipped his fucken lid cos me bitch 'ad a belly on her... I said no you muppet, she’s just a porker... We 'aint nicked nuffen.
Ad a top giggle Friday night, smashed me gran’s face in for a fiver, kicked the shite outa me uncle Dave cos he stunk a piss and me mates Dazza, Gazza, his sister the lezza an Gayboy up the shitter all piled up town..Yo oy oy the hoodrat crews largen it now coz wees all celebs init.
Only cos Shazza, Dezza, Mickey’s pit bull Shagga and the Lezza’s muff mates Minge eater and Big eater woz on that Trisha’s show last furzday morning. Only coz Dazza was shaggen Shazza whose muvvers lover was 'aven a bit of the other with her brovver who got in a bit of bovver wiv Shezza whose plastic titted mate Blubba was shaggen Gazza. Only affer downin’ 6 cans of Stella, smoken a bag of skunk weed and dropping a good dose of Viagra. Only coz he crushes up the pills and scatters 'em in his eyes, makes him look well 'ard an all. Innit...
Then the Lezza’s sister 'ad a blister on coz her mate Minge eater’s visa ran out last winter. Mickey’s pit bull Shagga bit Gayboy’s todger coz he wos pissed up on cider then Trisha’s minder smacked Dezza coz he touching up Shazza’s mum Shezza: Who’s step-dad Wanka just got outa Broardmoore for shopliften Whitelightnen’ and Murder, coz Blubba’s kid woz black and his sister’s preggas again by Mickey’s pitbull Shagga.
After Blubba chucked a wobbla coz they ran out of fodder, Shezza’s step-dad Wanka pulled out a shoota an blasted Shagga in the Jacobs, then Tricha’s other minder slapped Gayboy coz he woz 'aven one off the wrist thinken about Shagga shaggen Shezza... And left a load of 'arry munk in the motor.
After pizza an a Bacardi breezer fings calmed dan... So we got Wanka out the clinka, told the rozzers to sling their ASBO order, scooped up Shagger’s Jacobs wiv a hoover and scarpered off to Battersea so they can sow 'em back on no bovver.
Next week he’ll be back shaggen Shezza after the Lezza’s kid pops out proper, then when Shagga’s nutts are better were off dan the boozer to 'ave a rumble in the jungle wiv Jade’s new Gezzer Psycho, who’s step-kids Hammer head and Peedo are sellen knock off Stella and cracko at half price, round the back of Tesco. Yes matey, life as a Chavvey just gets better,
An as this country is so fucken messed up, wot wiv the immigrants an shit, the politicks geezers stuffing their fat faces and lining their pockets, an banks ripen everyone off, it’s no wonder this new generation doesn’t give a shit... Blimmy that was a bit to cleaver for me, better roll me a spliffy and crack another can as I’m just about to 'ave a 3-up wiv Sheezer and Shazza, an’ bung the video on youtube for a laugh.
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