 |
 'Vote Bonk' you know it makes sense
 |
Apparently the tramp look is in... Photos. Tim Addie. |
Well folks, Mr B has decided to vent his spleen this month on matters that are being talked about in boozers around the country. Heated, passionate and sometimes downright scary my chums and I have formed 'Dorset Arms' moany old gits' party.
 |
The lovely Laura, and chairman Honk. |
This is only a bit of fun, and based on stories that have made me realise youth is wasted on itself, and wisdom and knowledge are the two best assets ever learned. So here goes.
'Vote Bonk' hereby declares….
1) All reality TV 'celebrities' especially ones whose parents are already in the fame game will be sent directly to the Siberian salt mines, where they will die horribly and swiftly, having never done a days work in their sad lives. Also shouty bald wankers will be dragged gently by the neck and beaten with robust shitty sticks, until the realisation sinks in that no-one likes you because you’re a complete twat.
 |
A shouty bald wanker. |
2) People who throw their litter just near or to the side of especially provided bins will be made to eat the 3 inches of wasp/maggot infested mush that resides at the bottom of the bin.
This also applies to dog owners. Especially when you hear them say ‘isn’t tootsie a cleaver little thing’ after dumping a rather large steaming turd in the goal mouth of the local footie pitch.
 |
I prefer cats anyway. |
3) All computer nerds/spammers/hackers/fraudsters and the like will have their equipment smashed into tiny fragments with large hammers, and be given some nice coloured crayons and a 'my little pony' adventure book to play with. Also their entire collection of 70’s porn mags, star trek memorabilia and alphabetically arranged shelves of chronically sad ‘sci-fi’ videos will be incinerated.
4) Blond microscopically brained Big Brother bimbo Channtelle will get her own comedy show; let’s face it every time she opens her mouth we all have a good laugh.
 |
'Oooh my god, where’s my brain.' |
5) A new law will be passed that all women must wear black stockings/hold-ups and strappy heals, especially at night.
 |
Nice... |
6) When travelling to a foreign country always respect the laws, customs, attitudes and people of that nation. Because lets face it no-one could give a fuck about ours anymore.
7) 80ft fences to be erected around the entire coastal vicinity, preferably electrified by 10,000 volts and patrolled by savage and starving Dobermans.
8) All paedophiles and rapists to be publicly castrated…
And not some cosy pc affair with chemicals but via the very blunt and rusty garden sheers kept in a damp shed nearby.
9) Thuggish cowards, who rob and beat old ladies will be tied to a lamp-post in the middle of town naked. Then grandma, sporting broken hips and black eyes can happily prod the morons’ genitals with a 400 volt cattle stun gun to her hearts content, whilst being filmed by C4 for a new docu/soap called 'Grandma bites back'
 |
You want some then... |
10) Brain dead blokes who drive around town centers at 96mph thinking they are so cool and manly will have their mummy’s cars confiscated and crushed, then be handed a nice little pink bike.
With stabilizers and an even nicer little tingly dingily bell and made to ride around the town at 3mph, whilst onlookers laugh and shout 'not so fucking cleaver now eh, you Muppet…'
 |
You wanna drive like a twat eh? |
11) Girls aloud to do a gig on my birthday every year.
 |
Yum yum yum yum yum... |
12) The ‘vote Bonk’ party also concludes that before he became god, he was a rubbish civil engineer. For who else would design a woman’s body and put a waste pipe 2 inches next to an area of outstanding natural beauty.
 |
An area of outstanding natural beauty. |
13) And those young women disillusioned enough to have their beautiful bodies filled with silicon and all sorts of shite, get real!!! I had my grubby paws around a pair last summer and they were, for want of a better word, revolting.
Nice girl… shame about the tits.
14) And finally, the party will absolutely not tolerate any form of sexism, racism, dogism, catism, fishism, whateverism and most other forms of 'isims'.
Unless some-one invents a new one soon…
Which they probably will…
It begins with a T…
To conclude, as I stood in the hills and valleys of the garden of England last week, a beautiful place called Wadhurst in Kent, www.theweald.org where sheep and cows happily munched on what’s left of the grass, small crooked cottages and pubs peeked from majestic oak trees along green winding lanes I sadly recalled last nights south-east news.
 |
What is happening to our country? |
4 billion new houses to be built in the area over the next 10 years.
6 billion fresh immigrants, rubbing their dirty hands with glee are set to invade our shores, probably next week.
Completely deranged/brainwashed fanatics run amock in our cities and airports, killing in the name of….?
And now for a spot of light relief…
 |
Very nice... |
And as our raging and ranting ends the evening, the lovely Laura leans over the bar and shouts ‘come on you old bunch of old tossers, supp up an' piss off home'.
The last words this month belong to another old geezer, who I reckon right now is turning in his grave.
'A love of tradition has never weakened a nation: indeed it has strengthened nations in their hour of peril'.
Sir Winston Churchill. London, November 1944.
C'ya B…
|
 |
• Home
Return back to the homepage
• Ghost Story
Mr Bonx, Author, previews
his chilling story -
The Dorset Arms
• Music Reviews/Links
Read some of Mr Bonx’s
insights into music and
culture
• Pix
Set of photos about the
life and times of Mr Bonx
• Contact
Get in touch and leave me a message.
• About Mr Bonx
Find out about Mr Bonx.
Rants Archive
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
July 2007
Aug 2007
Sept 2007
|
